My father once told me that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. At that time, being young and naïve, I believed that to be true.
We all love food. Everything seems to revolve around food. For most of us, a good hearty meal is to satisfy our hunger and nourish our bodies.
For some, food is a comfort meal that helps us feel good and improve our moods. For our men, scrumptious home cooked food makes them feel cared for, honored and loved.
And for my husband, it’s much more than that; it’s his whole livelihood; his essence.
Our values are our needs or criteria which we stand by. Values are those emotional states we want to experience on a consistent basis.
They form the foundation for our belief system. Everyone has different upbringing, therefore have different values and beliefs about how they want their lives to be.
After a hard day’s work, my husband looks forward to a really good meal and if my cooking fails his standard, he is not a happy man. His silence and withdrawn attitude surely gives it away.
Food gives my husband deep soul satisfaction, when his enthusiasm, self-confidence and vigor thrives. Hence, these constitute his core values system. Being in this emotional state makes him receptive to fun, laughter, love and connection, which are my top values.
So, what do you think I do? Cook creative and delicious meals and for that deeper love and connection, I tell him how I enjoyed cooking that particular dish for him, of course!
“Relationships end too soon because people stop putting the same effort to keep you as they did to win you” – Unknown
Another of his values is ‘knowledge’, so he spends a lot of his spare time reading non-fictional, personal development and spiritual books.
There are times where this indulgence frustrates me because he could be paying attention to my needs. I love reading too, but also value our health, so going for walks is what I would negotiate we do as well.
The key is to learn how to negotiate and balance it all.
Be willing to see value and goodness in each other and a good way to start noticing when you both feel really good, happy and confident that you are making the right choices.
The next step is to find that common thread, that connection that will bring you closer and keep that love alive.
“Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years” – Simone Signoret
Having said this, there will be conflicting values which can potentially destroy your relationship. It will help greatly if you learned to see the situation from the other person’s perspective.
It does not mean you have to change your own values, agree or accept theirs. It means trying to see from another angle; in other words showing empathy.
The secret to a happy and loving relationship is not to ignore the conflicts that exist, but deal with them; otherwise they reappear.
I make great effort these days for my relationship because that is my highest value.
What is yours?
My special offer for this month is a complimentary 30-min session to
‘Discover Your Personal Core Values’ to creating a deep love and connection with your partner. Reach me to claim your session now. Limited spaces.
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