Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy. ~Bill Cosby
As a woman, you want to talk and share everything with your man as he walks in the door. But he is not willing to listen and you feel he has no time for you.
In times like these, a woman must understand how a man “functions”. Our minds work differently from each other and a man’s unwillingness to talk may be his way of unwinding so he can come back, refreshed, and ready to shower his love on you.
When women want to talk, men need time to relax in whatever way that works best for them.
And I am not saying we women don’t need to wind down and relax. Taking time out and relaxing should be built into everyone’s daily routine.
Having said this, there are other times you absolutely need his attention to discuss something important. And you have ideas of your own as to how your relationship should progress. You either become too aggressive, ensuring you get his full attention and your message across to him. But in the process, you come across as a nagger.
Or you may find yourself on the other side – stuck and not knowing how to address the issue to get the best results.
When he doesn’t give you his time, there develops resistance in you. You may lose self-confidence, withdraw and become frustrated.
Instead, learn how you can make him listen. Here are seven communication tips that work.
Step 1. Visualise what outcome you are looking for.
This will allow you to be clear on what to say in order to get his support. It is like painting a picture for both of you. For example, you are planning to invite friends over for dinner and you prefer two couples so you all can have a quiet sit-down dinner. But you know your man prefers to invite more people due to the fun and excitement of a larger group.
Tell him how having two couples just this time will create a warm and intimate evening where you all get a chance to talk and connect with your friends you haven’t seen for a while. Talk about the fun and excitement of trying a new approach.
Step 2: Set yourself up favourably.
Approach the subject from a position of strength. You are a woman. Use your feminine beauty & creativity to get him to give you his full attention. Make sure you speak softly and lovingly; have patience and be willing to listen. Tell him you are always supportive of his decisions but it is also exciting and beneficial to explore new options.
Step 3: Choose the right environment.
Two major factors that have an impact on how your man responds are timing and place.
You should bring up the topic at a time when he isn’t distracted. Skip times when he’s watching sport, reading the paper or doing work on the computer. Approach him in a place where he can actually listen to and focus on what you are saying.
This could be at dinner time or while taking a walk together. Best is to choose a time when you are feeling super connected with each other – that way, he’ll be more receptive to discussing your viewpoints when he feels particularly close to you.
Step 4: Select your words wisely.
This is absolutely crucial. Avoid starting the conversation with “We need to talk.” When a man hears this, his first instinct is to run.
Besides, the word “need” gives him the implication that you mean business and depend on him more than usual. This comes as a command and men cannot handle this very well.
Instead, open the conversation with a positive statement that reinforces his ego, his self-worth and lets him know you value his opinions. Speak to his goal-oriented mindset; remember he is predominantly masculine energy.
For example, you might say something like: “I know you have been really busy honey but I would like to know what you think of [Insert your situation]” or “how do you think I can best handle [Insert your situation]?”
This may sound a long way of saying things but believe me it allows both of you to respond with an open mind. Another example that works well for me is this: “You have a lot on your plate, let me take some load off your shoulders; let me check out the restaurant for this week” or “I will call the plumber to fix the overdue leaking tap”.
Step 6: Be flexible.
If after having the talk you find that the results didn’t go your way, you will have to be willing to walk away without feeling hurt and rejected.
You have to make conscious effort to do this because if you allow your ego to dictate your feelings, you are in your masculine energy. Instead, move to your feminine energy and reenergise and rejuvenate yourself. And give him some time to contemplate on your reasons for a different result.
Step 7: Seal the deal with a kiss.
Once you both agree on the outcome, ease into things slowly by gradually starting to refer to him as your darling. Give him time to adjust emotionally. Show your gratitude and verbalise how that made you feel about him.
The next time your man comes home, follow these seven tips. Pay attention and notice what he does as a way of winding down. This awareness will allow you to also relax and find the best time to bring up a conversation.